Theresa May tells cabinet: “bugger it, I’m off to Bestival”

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Beleaguered British Prime Minister, Theresa May has told her cabinet she will skip key EU negotiations and attend an Isle of Wight music festival instead. In unusually frank language, May told senior government members: “bugger it, I’m off to Bestival.”

The prime minister is believed to have bought a weekend pass to the popular music festival and told a close aide that she would ‘score some MDMA down there’.

Inglorious honour 

May has achieved the inglorious accolade of uniting the country in mutual resentment towards her, but said she needed a weekend to just ‘get off her tits and forget about bloody Brexit and the fu*king bastard EU’, a Westminster source told the Conch News.

Bestival kicks off on August 2nd and is headlined by performers MIA and Mark Ronson. While some hardline Brexiteers have sharply criticised May’s decision to attend Bestival, other festival goers say she needs a break.

“The poor woman – she has managed to piss off the entire British nation and ruin her dream job. She at least deserves to get smashed off her face for 72 hours,” said Billy Ragg from Leeds who will attend the gathering.

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