Theresa May refuses to rule out future coalition with ISIS

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Besieged UK Prime Minister, Theresa May has refused to rule a future coalition with ISIS. The shock announcement comes days after May’s catastrophic gamble to strengthen her Brexit mandate was upended by surging public support for Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour party.

Following a vastly underwhelming performance at the ballot box, May reached out to the DUP, the ultraconservative Northern Irish unionist party backed by Ulster paramilitaries, to form a minority government.

Commenting on party’s will to forge new radical relationships to secure government, Mrs May said:

“If this election has showed us anything, we cannot trust British voters to blindly follow hard-line positions and fervent ideology. Fortunately, we can fall back on our hard-line friends in the DUP, but but we cannot rule our partnerships with growing radical elements of Britain, including supporters of ISIS and Satan.

 “The fact is if we want to ignore logic, facts and rational arguments when implementing policy, we can’t depend on the votes of young people, students, liberals and humanity. We need all the support we can get if we are to a realise an apocalyptic vision of a post-NHS, isolationist, socially regressive 21st century Britain plunged into a perpetual winter of austerity.”

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