Met Police legalises murder to reduce London crime rate
The Metropolitan Police Service has moved to reduce London’s rising crime rate by legalising violent crimes, such as murder, knifings and acid attacks.
Met Police Commissioner, PC Dame Barabusina Valentine believes the proposed plan will have a dramatic effect on the rising crime plaguing the capital.
“The crime rate is spiking across London – and rather than dealing with the complex underlying issues driving crime, we have taken radical measures to skew the data more favourably.
“As such, from next month, murder is legal. Citizens are also free to knife and assault fellow citizens – so we finally can expect a dramatic drop in crimes across the board,” she said.
Wider benefits for society
Valentine also said the measures will alleviate wider societal problems.
“We envisage major economic benefits. Prisons won’t need as much funding, as there will be far fewer inmates. There will also be fewer people claiming benefits and putting a strain on the NHS, as a large amount of people are likely to be massacred by psychopaths free to kill at will.
“We have taken our cue from the conservative government; this is the Big Society in action.” she said.