Britain now officially an EU colony under May’s Brexit deal

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Britain is now doomed to EU colony status after Theresa May’s Brexit deal was approved by the Cabinet, the Conch News can reveal. While some believed Brexit would herald a golden new era of free trade, it appears Britain will be poorer and diminished politically.

Under the new deal the EU remain in the customs union and under Brussels’ regulatory control, which for many represents a worse deal than staying in the EU. The dawning reality of May’s deal has has angered many Leave voters.

“According to multiple red buses, there were going to sunny uplands, no immigrants and free trades deals from Rio to Riyadh. Now it looks we are going to be a vassal state to the EU – it’s like picking the wrong box on Deal or No Deal,” said David Whikes of Thanet.

Others saw Britain’s demise as deeply ironic. The President of one former colony who didn’t wish to be named said: “serves the fu**ers right.”

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