Satan: Tony Blair will not go to Hell
Ex-UK Prime Minister, Tony Blair, will not be going to Hell according to the Devil, Conch News can reveal. The announcement comes despite widespread public hope that following his demise, Blair would spend the rest of his days in eternal damnation.
In a rare interview with the Lord of Darkness, Mr. Blair said:
“I can’t believe it. I thought my relentless appetite for global war-mongering would be enough. I mean look at the state of the Middle East. It just goes to show: you can’t trust the devil.”
Despite Mr Blair’s comments, Lucifer is adamant the ex-PM will not be visiting the underworld:
“We take all manner of sinners down here from mass murderers to rapists, but we have limits.”
The Devil also said other high profile residents had protested at Mr Blair decending to hell.
“I had Stalin, Vlad the Impaler and Pol Pot all come up to me during the week saying they wouldn’t stand for it. And yesterday, Hitler came into my chambers roaring and shouting at me as if he was at a rally. Even bloody Hitler.”
On where Mr Blair might go in the afterlife, the Devil was unsure.
“It is difficult to see where he may end up – maybe Shoredtich or Clapham High Street.”