Ed Sheeran appointed as White House communications director


Following the sensational departure of Anthony Scaramucci from the Trump administration, British singer, Ed Sheeran has been appointed as the latest White House director of communications.

Sheeran, 26, who recently appeared in HBO drama Game of Thrones believes the role will be the latest step towards to breaking the American market.

“I have headlined Glastonbury, had a cameo in the worlds biggest show – now it’s time to take over America”.

In response to suggestions by Washington insiders that the role is a poison chalice, Sheeran reacted angrily.

“Did I tell you I played the Pyramid stage at Glasto? If I can follow Biffy Clyro, I can follow Sean fu*king Spicer and the Mooch.”

‘Fake Music’

The White House has issued the following statement from President Trump on the appointment:

“Most of what you hear to today is fake music. I mean why is Beyonce is not singing about my victory over Crooked Hillary. I know a good chorus: ‘Lock her up’. ‘Lock her up’. Why does no-one even sing that?

“Fake voices, fake songs. I mean Bruce Springsteen actually said I was ‘a moron’.  Was he even born in the USA? That’s the real question. I have a very good source who says he is from Norway. I’ll show it to you a picture of his birth certificate if you want.

“Okay so then I hear this guy Ted (sic) singing. You know the song, ‘Thinking Out Loud’. I mean I do it all the time. I said I can relate this guy Ned (sic.). And you know his hair it matches my skin. Deep bronze. So I said hey Prince Edward why don’t you loop-pedal ‘Make America Great Again”. And now he’s going to do it right in front of the Fake News in the Whitehouse – which is a real dump by the way.”