Cycling replaces as golf number one sport for middle-aged wankers

Cycling has overtaken golf as the number one sport for city bankers and other high-ranking executives. A survey of 5000 professionals working in London’s financial district, conducted by Royal Citibank, revealed that 75% of respondents felt cycling was now their preferred sport hobby over golf.

One hundred per cent of the those surveyed were white, male and earned over £200,000. Ten women were surveyed as part of the survey, but according to the bank’s research methodology, their opinions were later discounted as ‘silly’ and for them to be included would be ‘needless tokenism’.

The survey also revealed rich male executives are increasingly spending more of their earnings on high-end carbon fibre bicycles than on Callaways – upwards of £10,000 for the most desired brands.

Exploiting an ‘exciting wealth gap’

Commenting on the research, Royal Citibank analyst, Gluttonous van Avarich, said:

“The technology required for recreational road cycling is now perceived as cost prohibitive for ordinary people. This has created an exciting wealth gap for wealth creators, such as traders or bankers, who want to cultivate their own personal brand success.”

But not all are as supine about top earners showing an enthusiasm for cycling. According to editor of the Daily Cyclist, Stephen Purcell:

“Cycling has always been a humble and healthy activity enjoyed by the public and enthusiasts. This is now all set to change for the worse, as hordes of gout-ridden lycra-clad bankers on Team Sky bikes descend on the countryside.”